Team America

Connor (left) & Keches (right): celebrated American heartthrobs

They emerge from their hole of a room: yawning, still pillow-haired, pasty white legs exposed just below the hem of their matching gym shorts. It’s the legendary duo…Connor and Keches. The infamous odd couple that together form ‘Team America’. I am walking back toward our dorm in Zhejiang University when I first witness them.

They look like baby moles surfacing to the world for the first time… staggering a bit, clearly uncomfortable and squinty-eyed…glaring into the sunrays that have just started to shine in Hangzhou. Today (like most days), one is sporting leather moccasins and the other New Balance sneakers, accompanied by an ensemble of matching white T-shirts beneath black Northface fleeces.

Keches sees me approaching and flashes his trademarked ‘Keches Smirk^TM.’ His dark Curly Q—that endearing tuft of black hair that hangs famously on his forehead—has a healthy bounce to it this morning. Connor yawns with a Southern drawl and gives me his ‘What’s up?’ head nod.

 “Yo man,” Keches pitches enthusiastically, “Were going to Ellen’s for breakfast.”

“Yeah,” Connor reinforces with nonchalant coolness, “Get us some of those good hash browns…and bacon, and scrambled eggs...” 

“You wanna come?” Keches propositions.

 

In my mind, these guys are like superheroes. Keches and Connor... Even their names have a certain cadence next to each other... like Peanut Butter and Jelly, Romeo and Juliet, Michael Jordan and Scotty Pippen…even though they grew up hundreds of miles apart on the East Coast of the Good Old Fifty States…these guys belong together. I’m disappointed that I can’t enjoy a (surely) entertaining and unforgettable breakfast with them.

 “Sorry guys, I just ate.”

“Aw, no worries, it’s cool. Catch ya on the flip side!” Keches smiles with prototypical nerdy charm. “Later,” Connor mutters as the twosome traipse past.

And so the North American heroes swagger off into the wilderness of Hangzhou, looking for a hot plate of deep-fried deliciousness. 

-Seb